In my Head
by mockingjaypin394
Summary: Annie's PO in the mockingjay, her thoughts on being hijacked by the capitol, marrying Finnick and being pregnant.


Chapter 1

The memory haunts my dream, the torture, the capitol, they made me watch Finnick die over and over again, till I went insane again, so they could get the information about the rebel forces I didn't have, I now lie on the hospital bed in district 13, waiting to be able to leave, I lie wearing nothing but a bed sheet. It's horrible. Waiting to be told I can leave, so I can be sure Finnick is ok. I don't believe the doctors. Suddenly somebody enters. "Hello Annie, how are you feeling" the doctor asks, I look at his eyes; he seems worried "I'm fine" I reply "Can I leave now" I ask eager to see Finnick, I miss him and love him and couldn't stand to see him be hurt in a way they showed me in the capitol, his limbed slowly being ripped apart, ripping the skin, the tenements, the muscles then slowly decapitating the bone blood staining the soft yellow glow of the sand on the beach in the Quell. The thought makes me scream with agony the picture goes through my head again and again, I try to block it out with the happy thoughts of him, at the dock where we fell in love, when we made the traditional district 4 bread together and when we collected sea shells on the beach but it doesn't work, the doctor, the memory still slaps my brain like a truck but I hide it out of desperation to see that Finnick is ok and not dead. The doctor sits down in the chair opposite my hospital bed "we decided it would be better for your mental health for you to see Finnick but" I cut him off by running out of the room, still wearing the sheet and running down halls, I run and run, down endless corridors and through what seems like thousands of doors and then I see him. Safe and sound, talking to Katniss. He turns around and his face bounces with happiness at the sight of me, I run to him and give him a big hug, feel his arms embrace me and I feel for just a second, safe. Safe from the capitol. Safe from the war. Safe from everything. I look at him longingly knowing the footage they showed me in the capitol was a lie. He is alright and he still loves me.

Chapter 2

_We are just getting ready to go to bed in the apartment place we were assigned, since they think not being near Finnick will put me into a series or paranoia when Finnick looks at me "They didn't hurt you did they?" Finnick looks at me, worried I'm sick of everyone being worried about me but at the thought of what they did in the capitol I am bound to the floor in a ball curled up trying to escape the grim reality that happened to me. He reaches down to help me up, he used to take care of me in district 4 when I struggled to cope, we would stay up all night and tie knots in rope until our hands bled, it sounds unusual but it was a distraction from my past, from his past, from every murder we have had to witness. "It's ok, you don't have to say Annie, it's alright you're safe here, they won't hurt you again!" he wraps his arms around me and I put my head to his chest and wrap my arms around him, I can hear his heartbeat. "Did they hurt you?" I ask being reminded of the video they showed me in the capitol, before I can think of what they showed me in the capitol Finnick tells me the "I got a knife in the thigh saving Peeta and got emotionally scarred with the jabberejays" he admits, he knows just by me asking how they tortured me in the capitol "What did the jabberejays say?" I ask curious, words don't hurt him and I have never even seen him cry. He looks tortured by the thought "It was a scream, your scream, was it your scream?" he asks hands trembling, I tell the truth "yes". "when I thought the games were over and you were dead"_

_Chapter 3_

_I am haunted by another nightmare; this one is the games I won, my district partner being beheaded and being left alone, then the flood and the bodies. All the bodies, pale with the blood flow gone. Decapitated, a limb floating in the water and then Finnick is there only…. He is trying to kill me, he has the trident he uses at home to fish, he is swimming after me like a shark gliding through the water, I swim away, but the water level seems to be rising and I'm struggling to keep up but I can swim fine in reality so this dream seems unlikely but it feels real, it feels like it has happened before, Finnick is getting closer and closer until he drags me under and stabs me with the trident in the back, blood flows out into the light blue water presenting a red dye, Finnick swims away leaving me to bleed to death and drown but then, sharks come blood thirsty they begin to rip the limbs from my body chewing at my limbs are drinking my blood, the water goes lighter and lighter until it is so light I awake, but I'm outside wearing a flowing sea blue dress the colour of the flood in my dream before the blood dyed it another colour. It's the dress I wore in district 4 to special events. The dress is beautiful, I sit up and I'm at home in district 4, the place where I fell in love with Finnick, the docks were we fish for oysters I'm on the dock and before me is Finnick wearing his fishing uniform, on one knee "I love you, I always will I can't explain how happy I am to have you back it was torture listening to you scream of torture in the arena and I love you so much, will you marry me?" Finnick asks tears in his eyes, he is going to kill me, he is, I grab the closest weapon I can find; a knife and go to stab him, as I approach, knife tightly locked in grip he drops the ring and tackles me to the ground, as I hit the floor I slash his wrist and blood stains my dress and the wooden docks. He tosses the knife in the water looks me in the eye and gently presses his lips against mine and I am through back into reality, the Finnick in my dream was something the capitol had put in my head, "Bad dream baby?" he asks still pinning me to the floor and still blood flowing from his wrist I begin to cry "yes" I swallow "to both" I finish my sentence, he shreds a tear and lets me sit up, I feel the urge to grab the knife again and kill him but I know I have become a mutt, made by the capitol for their benefit against the rebels so instead I grab my dress and rip of 5 inches to make a bandage for him "I'm so sorry Finnick, it was, you were trying to kill me and I was in the games and…" The blood doesn't stop. "HELP, HELP, MY FIANCEE IS BLEEDING TO DEATH HELP, HELP ME" the blood multiplies and next thing I know I'm back in the hospital in District 13 "FINNICK" I cry into my pillow regretting the fact that I killed the man that I love the one person who I love more than anything in the world; but I am locked in the room no way out I grab my hair and pull it trying to pull away from this place a clump of black curls falls into my hands. Suddenly a voice appears "Annie? Annie?" Its Finnick, he's alive and safe "FINNICK! You're alive! I'm so sorry" I gasp I'm so happy the drip inserted into my hand was almost yanked out of my hand but just as that happened I'm knocked out. And I awake a few hours later in a normal hospital room "I'm sorry Annie" Finnick is sat in the bed next to mine but the curtains are drawn back "They wanted to see if you hated me, to make sure you didn't try to kill me" I get up, drag the pole that holds my drip and go to sit on the end of his bed "You mean try to kill you, again" I look at him, "It wasn't your fault it was the capitol" I know it was the capitol and I hate how they have turned me into one of their mutts. "So that proposal," I say "is it still valid, I mean not many wifes try to kill their husbands…"_

_"Yes it's still valid" he sits up and reaches for a thin golden ring encrusted with Sapphires that was sat on his bed side table. He slips it on my ring finger and from that moment I am engaged. "Come on, let's go get some lunch" I helps me up, one hand holding the drop that is feeding me an endless supply of medicine to send me back to sanity and one hand gripping Finnick's hand, he takes me back to the apartment that we call home and I change out of my bed sheet and put on the uniform that we are supposed to where daily. We sit at a table with Katniss, Peeta and Johanna, there are only 4 chairs so I eat my lunch sat on Finnick's lap still holding his hand, I haven't let go of his hand since we were at the hospital. Lunch is awkward because of the trackerjacker venom they hijacked Peeta with was taking affect "I could hear your crying" I tell him "in the capitol, when they fed you false information about Katniss and told you they had decapitated her and used her limbs in a stew" I say the memory sparks back to him and it's too much, he crouches to the ground, rolls into a ball screaming agonisingly just as he did in the capitol, "you know Annie if you tell us we won't kill Finnick" president Snow's voice slices through me like a knife so I realise Finnick's hand and cover my ears trying to stop it, it isn't going away; his voice is getting sharper then he repeats "KILL FINNICK, KILL FINNICK, KILL FINNICK" on a constant loop, as I pick up a butter knife it stops, I scream and throw it into the wall but then it starts again "KILL FINNICK, Annie, he's going to die anyway make it less painful, if you really love him or do you?" I reach for a bowl and smash it on the floor, it cuts all my hands and spills broth all over the cream carpet. Finnick notices that my drip has been cut off so he scoops me off my feet and takes me to the hospital. _

Chapter 4

_"Annie, um we have been running some tests" the doctors voice comes through speakers, I awake in a room with no windows, no doors, foam for walls and my hands have multiple stitches in, "did you know you were pregnant?" he asks, I look up and around,_

_"Yes" I say_

_"For the last 4 months?"_

_"Yes" I look at the floor_

_"Why didn't you tell anyone" the doctor asks, I didn't want anyone but Finnick to know, but I guess since I keep almost killing him he isn't interested in marrying me anymore. I shrug my shoulders and then one of the panels on the door opens and Finnick walks in. "Sorry I didn't tell you" I apologise, looking at the blood stained bandaged knotted around his wrist "It's ok," he walks over to me and gives me a hug "I thought you were getting chubby" he winks at me,_

_"Is the wedding still on?" I ask _

_"Yes, in fact its soon" he replies and my heart fills with joy_

_"Is Peeta ok" I ask, I feel awful I didn't mean to set him off on a session of insanity. Finnick looks at me "no, he tried to kill Katniss, Johanna restrained him by punching him in the stomach and they took him back to his room"_

_"I guess you me and Peeta live in the hospital" I sigh, hello new home,_

_"Actually we are moving out, they are giving you and Peeta a dosage of Venom to forget what the previous venom made you believe so as long as you take your tablets we are going home"_

_"Ok Finnick, visiting hours are up" the doctor says through the speakers, Finnick turns to the door but I stop him "stay with me?" I ask holding onto his hand_

_"ok" he lies down next to me on this tiny bed and I lie with my head on his chest, I wait 5 minuets and then asking "you know when you proposed?" I ask looking at my sea blue sapphire encrusted ring "yes, how could I forget? I mean no other fiancé has been cut and almost killed by the girl he proposed to" he laughs "what about it?"_

_"Where were we?" I ask_

_"Here, they designed that place to replicate 4, for if you were homesick, I thought it would be a great place to propose" _

_"It was" I reply._

Chapter 5

I don't have a dress to wear for the wedding, I would have worn the blue dress I was proposed to in but they can't get the blood stains out of it. Katniss is taking me to District 12 to get a dress she wore on the victory tour. On my arm is tattooed the schedule for today 9 am go to the hovercraft and go to District 12. I start to head there. It's like the one I was taken to the hunger games in, so I close my eyes and imagine I'm not on the hovercraft, I'm on a boat, the ocean swaying, swaying I begin to vomit I can't stop, I don't get sea sick or travel sick, Katniss who is sat opposite me comes to help me "Annie, you ok?" she passes me a bucket and within 30 minutes its half full "it's just the baby Annie" I'm not sure how I feel about this, a baby. I'm nervous, "I want Finnick" I cry into my bucket, Katniss looks at her arm "we will be there in a few minuets then we just have to get the dress and we can go home, you can see Finnick" I look up from the bucket

"Katniss?"

"Yes"

"How did you feel"

"What do you mean?"

"When you found out you were pregnant?"

"Can I tell you something?"

"Yes"

"I wasn't pregnant" Liar. Betrayal? I crouch into a ball. Alone. Nobody else is going through this. Nobody.

Chapter 6

I look beautiful as I twirl in the long, white dress, fire shoots up from around my ankles engulfing me in prophetic flames, I can't believe she would offer me this dress, this dress is her, name, her reputation, her fame, "you're sure you want me to where this dress? I mean…" I babble but Katniss interrupts "it's fine, really, most of the dresses Cinna designed have flames, in fact pretty much every dress I own has relevance to fire. The dress flows around my ankles it is strapless and is outlined in pearls witch is appropriate since both me and Finnick are from District 4. "I love it" I say with joy, displaying my pearl white teeth. Katniss helps me back into my dull, grey uniform and we board the hovercraft. The ride back to district 13 flies by, I have forgiven Katniss for lying to the nation and we walk back to the apartment, outside the door to my apartment is Finnick, looking handsome as ever, his sea green eyes shining and his bronze hair glows with beauty, he is so handsome, "hey beautiful" he says and I give him a peck on the lips "so can I see your dress?" he peeks at the bag that obviously contains the dress, I shake my head and take his hand; inspect them, the scars from the years of fishing, the slash on his wrist from the proposal and the wrinkles on his knuckles that everybody has… "Not until tomorrow, its bad luck remember" I begin to kiss him but after about 5 seconds Katniss pushes us apart, "hey, schedules?" Katniss reminds us and we all look at our arms "training" Katniss announces

"Training" Finnick agrees

"Appointment" I sigh, alone again

"Have fun beautiful" Finnick tosses me a sugar cube that was in his pocket and I catch it in my mouth, he leans in to kiss me and I kiss him back, wave goodbye and head off for the appointment. In the appointment I tell the doctor how I feel alone and feel that nobody else is going through this, I tell him about the vomiting on the hovercraft and I express my anxiety about the baby; the doctor reminds me that there are always people who can help me and Finnick will never leave me alone to cope. When I get back to the apartment Finnick is asleep, still in his training uniform, I sit down on the bed and reach for his rope and begin tying knots, like I did at home and then I would give them to Finnick and he would evaluate them. I tie knots until 3am when Finnick awakes "have you been awake all this time?" he asks rubbing his eyes, still looking as handsome as ever, "have you been asleep all this time?" I through back and he laughs he takes the rope and carefully looks at the knots, assessing each one carefully, following the rope in its loops, "big day today" he reaches for my hand "better get some beauty sleep, although you don't need it" I tuck a curl behind my ear,

"What time is the wedding" I ask, I need some sleep now

"12 hours" he replies, I lie down and try to fall asleep, but it isn't pleasant. I am hit by nightmares of what might happen today, Finnick saying no to me, leaving me, Finnick being murdered, me losing it. I would hate for that to happen, when I awake it is 11am, Finnick is gone but in his place is a buffet breakfast, I begin to stuff my face with bacon when Katniss walks through the door, "how you feeling Annie?" why would she ask that, did I lose it again? Try to murder Finnick in my sleep?

"Where is Finnick?" I ask looking nervous as ever

"Getting ready" Katniss looks at the buffet "Fresh that is, bacon from 10, bread from 9…" Katniss looks at the food as if it were a baby, "have some if you want" I look at the plates full of food and stuff some eggs down my throat, at 12 Katniss' prep team come and touch up my make-up, bathe me and dress me, when they are finished I don't know what to say, I can't put it into words, I look stunning, I give a quick twirl displaying the flames, "Cinna would be proud of you, you know?" I felt the needed to say that Katniss has grown up so much since the first games. "Come on, let's get you to the hall, your fiancée awaits" I give a giggle, Katniss seems a lot cheerier.

Chapter 7

_I peak through the small gap they call a window through to the hall, Finnick is looking as stunning as ever, is bronze her swooped back and in a dashing suit that he most have borrowed from Peeta. Music begins to play, sea music, the sound of the sea, Finnick requested this music as it is tradition and we didn't want to break the tradition, the doors burst open and I begin to walk slowly down the aisle, holding a bouquet of baby blue sea flowers, with Johanna and Katniss walking behind me as my bridesmaids, Finnick has Beete and Gale next to him, we go through a basic ceremony and soon we are married. We touch our lips with sea water as it is tradition back home and then we have a party. Music plays and everybody dances energetically, it's like happiness has suddenly been restored into our lives, I'm not allowed to dance too much because too much excitement and physical activity could make my baby come 4 months early. It's beginning to show that I'm pregnant. But I don't care I look so beautiful today I can't help but feel beautiful. The doctor is going to scan my stomach tomorrow so I can see the baby, we can't wait. Suddenly Prim and Katniss take the stage and begin to dance together, they are amazing, like professionals. I can't believe it. This is truly the happiest day ever. I grab Finnick's hand and look at his left ring finger "you know it's funny, I don't remember that being there yesterday is it new?" I joke and Finnick laughs_

_ "Yer, what about you, you have two rings now, beginning to get a bit greedy?" he troughs back. Coin comes over to congratulate us and offer us some champagne (it's the only time you are actually aloud alcohol in 13) I am about to take it when Finnick says "no thanks Coin" why, does he think he owns me now that we are married? I punch him in the arm and he gives out a little shriek of pain, the same he did in the games, when he got hurt, burnt by the acid gas, I crouch down in my dress trying to get that thought from my head, the memory of his burnt skin, Mags' death, she was a great friend in Victors Village, I cried so much when she died, nobody dared come near me, they thought I would be murderous. "The baby, you're not supposed to drink alcohol because it could harm the baby." Finnick crouches beside me, wraps his arm around me and kisses my cheek, "ok?" he asks, I look at him and he tucks a loose curl behind my ear, I reply "ok." We get up and I take a handful of bread from the table of food, just when I see Peeta come through the door wearing a white T-shirt, Black trousers and an apron stained with several different colours and he calls for every body's attention and then wheels in a gigantic cake about the size of Prim, it is a sea blue with decorative wave patterns iced into it. There are sea flowers, fish and nets decorating it, Peeta calls me and Finnick over to cut the cake, we both grab onto the knife, together slowly cut a slice of the cake and then before we can thank Peeta for such an amazing job he did, he is whisked away by guards back to his hospital cell, where he can go even more insane. I feel awful and by looking at his facial expression so does Finnick. Why can't he stay and have a good time? We sit down to eat and then it comes to giving the speeches. First up is Finnick "So, this is my wedding speech, you only get one so, I will try not to screw up" everybody laughs, _

_The words "Finnick" and "screwed up" are rare to hear._

_"The first time I met Annie was while fishing, seeing as we are from district 4, that's kind of mainstream, it was when she went into the games. I had to mentor her. She was beautiful, a 2 years younger than me but still beautiful. I tried to do whatever I could to keep her alive witch meant begging for sponsors, making her a career and making sure the game makers would do something to her strengths, swimming. She soon crept up on me. I didn't love her immediately, just more everyday" he wipes away a tear and comes to sit down next to me. I hold his hand unable to speak. I never knew that I "crept up on him" I didn't know that at all. I thought he was just a bit flirtatious with everybody, but he truly loved me. He tried to keep me alive. I walk to the stage and stand before the microphone "Finnick, it's going to be hard to beat that so I'm going to say when I first fell in love with you" I say, I haven't planned this speech so I'm just going from the stuff in my head. "It was raining and I was in victor's village, having one of those days where, I should have been locked away. I was insane. I had the memory of the games playing on a loop in my mind" I try to block out the memory of the beheading and just talk "I was lying on the path in a state, crying, soaking wet, an inch from hyperthermia. You looked out the window and saw me rolling around on the sidewalk in a state of insanity and you ran out into the rain, picked me up and dragged me into my home." The memory appears on the wall and I watch it, I don't think anyone else can see it because they are looking at me weird so I continue "you told me everything was going to be alright, gave me a kiss on the cheek and brought me some hot coco, helped me into some dry clothes and then we talked, we talked for about 36 hours straight, you were trying to distract me, it worked, it was from then on I knew that I loved you" I begin to cry and run back to Finnick and sit on his knee. "I love you" he whispers in my ear "I love you more" I tell him._


End file.
